A Spanko Manifesto Part 4

More school and National Service

All my theories have been extensively tested, and it will come as no surprise to anyone that in-depth research...

by distinguished academics...

at illustrious universities...

has shown that the fashions for abolishing National Service and sending absolutely everyone to university after a self-serving gap year are to blame for most of society's ills. I say send the precious babies off to the army for two years and when they come back they'll be ready for a proper job! A few claim that today's youth would be unable to cope with the rigors of National Service. Well I claim that there is an easy way to remedy that:

 

For the middle classes, who hope to go to university, I suppose a year's National Service would suffice. But as these days no older teenagers are really ready for college, the days currently spent wallowing in alcohol-fuelled debauchery will be replaced with one or two years at a finishing school in the tradition of the great old schools. And that means uniforms, doing what you're told and six of the best on a regular basis!

 

Colleges will also become less Club 18-30 and more Old Boys' Club:

The College Years

Dream University

In its own way, the rod is therapeutic, and it is important that all students experience its effects - even the supposedly well behaved ones. In my experience no boy ever suffered too much from getting a few licks of the cane he didn't deserve. When the swotty types would plead their innocence I'd simply retort: 'Well then consider this a punishment for whatever you have gotten away with' and thrash them harder.