Saturday, 1 February 2014

A Spanko Manifesto Part 4

More school and National Service
All my theories have been extensively tested, and it will come as no surprise to anyone that in-depth research...

by distinguished academics...

at illustrious universities...

has shown that the fashions for abolishing National Service and sending absolutely everyone to university after a self-serving gap year are to blame for most of society's ills. I say send the precious babies off to the army for two years and when they come back they'll be ready for a proper job! A few claim that today's youth would be unable to cope with the rigors of National Service. Well I claim that there is an easy way to remedy that:


For the middle classes, who hope to go to university, I suppose a year's National Service would suffice. But as these days no older teenagers are really ready for college, the days currently spent wallowing in alcohol-fuelled debauchery will be replaced with one or two years at a finishing school in the tradition of the great old schools. And that means uniforms, doing what you're told and six of the best on a regular basis!


Colleges will also become less Club 18-30 and more Old Boys' Club:

The College Years
Dream University

In its own way, the rod is therapeutic, and it is important that all students experience its effects - even the supposedly well behaved ones. In my experience no boy ever suffered too much from getting a few licks of the cane he didn't deserve. When the swotty types would plead their innocence I'd simply retort: 'Well then consider this a punishment for whatever you have gotten away with' and thrash them harder.



  1. I think the idea of a finishing school for ages 18 to 20 is an excellent one

    1. I'm sure there are plenty of disciplinarians who would be happy to found one. Subjects could include doing what you're told, respecting your elders, not answering back and learning to take punishment like a man/woman

  2. a general course in good manners might include not addressing your elders by their first name unless invited and only speaking when spoken to. Cel phones woudl also be confiscated , .